you try the handle of the road
it opens, do not be afraid
birthday sunflowers (thanks mom)
but without songs we’re lost
and life is pointless, harsh, and long.
Had you really been wholly mine at night
the fort wouldn’t be sneaking its alarms
across the border like a saffron bite
or the tea lady keep nagging “Love harms”
every minute of the day and damn night.
I told you never to mention my arms
to Moors at Headquarters. My dear, be bright,
and never put your dope in candy charms.
Stay away from the soldiers every night,
try to imagine what it’s like on farms,
for in pursuing a Chrysler of white
you’ll find tears in solution in your arms.
It was not to be so easily charmed
that we sent you to school to be harmed.
pickled green beans
마늘 장아찌 (soy pickled garlic)
The Motive for Metaphor
You like it under the trees in autumn,
Because everything is half dead.
The wind moves like a cripple among the leaves
And repeats words without meaning.
In the same way, you were happy in spring,
With the half colors of quarter-things,
The slightly brighter sky, the melting clouds,
The single bird, the obscure moon—
The obscure moon lighting an obscure world
Of things that would never be quite expressed,
Where you yourself were never quite yourself
And did not want nor have to be,
Desiring the exhilirations of changes:
The motive for metaphor, shrinking from
The weight of primary noon,
The A B C of being,
The ruddy temper, the hammer
Of red and blue, the hard sound—
Steel against intimation—the sharp flash,
The vital, arrogant, fatal, dominant X.
death via addiction to fiction
Between the solitude of the womb and the solitude of the tomb I will have hung out with lots of people.Autoportrait
Thank you for your effusion over my hair, I did it myself and that was really empowering. Health needs to be the focus of my life right now.
A great number of things in my life have been on the fitz lately, laptop, life plans, etc. Obviously I am not doing a good job on the upkeep, on simultaneously managing and believing in meaning. This is a question that supercedes the sophmore year slump, even if only because I let it. Whatever subjects draw something strong inside of you, be that religion, neuroscience, nihilism, it’s best to persue those things, isn’t it? … I am really deeply drawn towards the eventual study of neuroscience, and that is because I am a driven person who had some head traumas and felt a personality shift and acting impulses shift in really bizarre directions. The issues underneath of that sort themselves out all in the inevitable flux of time because that is what life is meant for.
I for right now I have decided to attempt with Rice University what god knows how many intellectual gadabouts have gone on about with Reed: audit classes, attend lectures. But I am taking a course in statistics so that I can really understand the sociology and medicine and everything else. Because Jeannie, what I see when I look out the airplane window is still the way that the lights and roads and landplots form into great gads of people, each one a little twinkling light that is really special. The fact that I myself am fairly antisocial doesn’t necessarily have to change that.
Alice Carey Alsup